I have been struggling with being in the moment. The last few months have been really difficult and it almost seems easier to be negative. This way, when I receive bad news (or mail), it’s expected and I don’t have to experience an emotional tumble. Years ago when I divorced, I refinanced the house in Eugene…it not only seemed like a good idea, but the only option. The boys were so young and the thought of not having a stable environment for them was devastating. Little did I know that I would find a relationship (and now marriage) and life in another city. The years of renting the house were challenging, but the situation I face now is unbearable. With the fall of the market, my house has dropped significantly in value…I have been unable to rent it. The only option now is to put it on the market and hope for the best. And hoping for the best is a stretch for me right now.
I try to remind myself that some of the toughest moments of my life were the greatest opportunities for growth & also creativity. I am so grateful to have a wonderful husband (we just had our 1st anniversary, or 21st if you count our Church of Elvis wedding at 15) and three amazing children. Frankie is currently sitting on the vintage green couch and drawing very small people in her sketchbook. I am trying to fight the urge to dwell in fear, as there is so much beauty surrounding us. Today I have an OB appointment and look forward to sound of our new child’s beating heart. I’ve been working on creating a space for the girls and it is very therapeutic to do simple, productive things…paint walls, fold laundry, rake leaves.
I will try, if only for a moment, to be present in this beautiful life.