i am staring myself down today. remembering choices and assigning blame. i generally dwell in a place that forgives…where life experience is valued, despite the hardships endured. today i am thinking about time passed and opportunities wasted, never realized. i marvel at my own fear and wonder if this will be the year to break those bonds? in many ways i have lived the unconventional life and yet now it just seems like a sad excuse, a way to glorify bad choices. my neuroses are prolific. i am afraid of public expression, regardless of the form. i am afraid of judgment.